Being naturally blessed with wizard like hyper focusing abilities, you would assume that during the past decade I would have produced a vast portfolio of work. That is one of the upsides of the condition, however there are far more downsides and being neurodivergent makes things a little more complicated!
My condition appears to be getting more difficult to deal with as I get older so a return to scale modelmaking has been a lifesaver in so many ways. The hobby has created a quiet, calm, anxiety-free space that I rarely get to experience in everyday life. I love other shit too -obviously, I’m not completely mental, it’s just that most regular day-to-day stuff makes my cranium internals spin, like it’s occupied by ten highly caffeinated squirrels!
The ability to highly focus is fantastic but I have to be in the zone for the whole build; and that rarely occurs. This is the reason so many of my projects get shelved mid-build. I do save them, but the progress of time and how I assess improvement in my work usually conspires against them ever seeing the light of day again.
I have been evaluating my work-flow recently and to improve my modelling skills I have realised I simply must produce more completed builds. To keep myself engaged I have to keep things rolling along. Unfortunately, this means lowering my expectation of what I would like to achieve. I love spicing up a build, adding photo-etch and additional accessories, or placing a vehicle on groundwork, as this always makes for a much more rewarding end product. But it requires more time and effort and nearly always prolongs the process. For me, this can lead to issues and frustrations, and all to often I just move onto something more instantly rewarding like popping open a new box lid!
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is often linked with ADHD and it can result in extreme emotional sensitivity. I do beat myself up when progress doesn’t go smoothly, I don’t throw stuff at the wall, but I find it difficult dealing with setbacks. I see my work as a failure and often reject what I’m working on. To most neurotypicals it’s just a case of finding a simple solution to overcome a particular obstacle. Taking time out and going again. My brain doesn’t work like that, it takes much longer for me to figure that out. I get overwhelmed and find a way to avoid tackling things head on, which is what almost always occurs. On these occasions grabbing a new kit is the only way to get me back at the bench. If I don’t do that, I might not get motivated again for days, often weeks. And the cycle continues.
So, although I do get immense pleasure being creative and enjoy my time at the bench, I rarely actually produce much finished product. A quality end product is always my goal but it’s often unachievable and that fact can be self-defeating.
The answer: quick builds with deadlines. They are often the only way projects get finished and although I rarely appreciate how they turn out, others don’t seem to agree. Some of my most appreciated work has been built with a deadline in place and although that often doesn’t always give me 100% satisfaction, I have to acknowledge it will ultimately make me a better modeller and maybe, someday, I will learn to better manage and complete more involved projects.
One thing I do continue to embrace is the research associated with building a particular vehicle. It’s a rabbit hole that I was happy to go down and although it ultimately involves tracking down often difficult to obtain reference material, and aftermarket accessories, I do get an immense buzz out of it. I realise now it has always been a convenient delaying tactic to getting me to do any actual work. It might be self-evident by now that procrastinating is another skill I’m extremely proficient at!
Having a better understanding and knowing why I struggle so much to acheive regular modelling output can only be a positive step. This and my recent glue aversion (no more building for me ) means there really is very little excuse now in pushing more of those incompleted builds over the finishing line!